Ramblings

I just boiled the kettle so I can make tea =)
Because tea is the best thing ever! Haha

As soon as exams are over, I have got to get to Piha. Hell keen. I want to go right NOW!!!! Damn studdyyy.

I'm really bummed this week.
Study is happening way too slowly and I'm really not interested anymore. Same old story really. And I can't afford to fail any more courses but anthro on Thursday is looking extremely doubtful. I'm almost ready to give up, especially since my time would be better spent studying for chemistry.

End of last semester I wrote a blog on my Myspace:

"...therefore, im gonna write this here, because that way i HAVE to make it happen.
next semester, i am going to:

1. rescue my GPA - A's in all 4 courses or else
2. actually save money not just say i will. extra work and cut the spending.
3. learn how not to get stressed and learn to trust my writing..."

...what a big load of BS!!! Took me only a couple to weeks to realise that was never gonna happen. Well, at least I managed the money-saving thing somewhat.

And now I'm in that same mode again.
When I keep telling myself "I only have to get through to the end of this week/these exams/this semester/whatever - then it's over and next time I will do it better" Of course I never do.
Am I going to do this forever? Seems like it.
I just keep going round and round in circles and I'm so over it.
If I can't beat it next year, I'm pretty sure I can't stay at uni. And that scares me.

Makes me wonder what I'm doing going to study in Spain. I certainly don't feel as if i deserve it right now.

My life is so full of contradictions.

...

Its winter again, a white washed and frozen sky…
I came to the door, eyes maladjusted from the light,
but your voice rang clear.

You said, “For all I thought I’d ever need,
its hard to face the holidays without.”
Well I’ve left my last message on your machine
Its hard to face the holidays when you’re looking for the words to say.

So you’ve found a friend. You spend all your cold nights with him,
but if i was there, then I’d wonder why you still wear my jacket closed
with traces of my scent.

I’d say, “For all I thought I’d ever need,
its hard to face the holidays without.”
Well I’ve left my last message on your machine
Its hard to face the holidays when you’re looking for the words to say.

So stay with me here. Nose to nose, cold enough to see as our breath slowly escapes and exchanges from my lungs to yours, from your mouth to mine.

For all I thought I’d ever need,
its hard to face the holidays without.
Well I’ve left my last message on your machine
it’s hard to face the holidays when you’re looking for the words to say.

When you’re looking for the words to say.

[http://thewilliambeckettblog.com/]

Why do I love love songs??????